Sometimes dinners are a struggle. Keeping the kids in their seats until they’re finished; getting them to eat all their food, or at least a satisfactory amount; getting them to try the food they refuse, but you know is good for them and that they might actually like; making sure they use their manners; etc. Well it seems like when a grandparent visits it’s extra stressful because they’re much stricter about the kids staying seated during the whole dinner and eating all that they’ve been given.
Most nights I am alone with my kids while my husband’s at work. Yes, I cook the dinner but also eat with them, clean up, bath them, make sure teeth are brushed, get them into pajamas, have homework completed and read them stories in bed. So, sometimes, my table rules might be relaxed and now that can carry over into when others are here as well.
The other night we were going out and had their grandparent babysitting. We prepared the left over chicken that I’d marinated for the satay. It was sautéed with Napa cabbage, orange bell peppers, scallions, garlic scapes, cilantro and served over rice. The marinade made a nice sauce (just have to make sure it’s brought to temperature since it had raw chicken in it). I also sautéed a side dish of Crimini mushrooms for my youngest. The older two just had sushi before dinner, so I served small portions.
Well, my eldest, who’s normally the best eater of all three of them, flat out refused to eat the dinner; no amount of pleading would change his mind. We believed he’d like it, but he dug in his heels. It became such an ordeal, I couldn’t leave to go. I didn’t want the grandparent to have to deal with any unruly children. I offered him some of my three-year old’s mushrooms; no. Then my husband gave him a dish of beets and my son was so excited he dug into them with gusto and then actually started eating a little of the dinner I prepared. That just sent the grandparent into a tizzy. “You shouldn’t give them treats!” (the mushrooms and beets) For us it wasn’t a treat, but an appetite stimulant and something to calm the situation (to relieve the stress, get him to comply, and allow us to leave). They were getting dinner and — and it was healthful and homemade, but to the grandparent we were giving in to obstinate behavior.
Sometimes you have to choose your battles… sometimes you have to compromise on what/how much they eat. I didn’t think of it as acquiescing. My son still had to eat all the cabbage, most of the rice, two pieces of chicken, few pieces of peppers and all the beets. I wasn’t making different meals or letting him go to the fridge and eat snack food instead. He wouldn’t have been allowed to eat dessert or any other food once he was up from the table. Yes, my children need to modify their behavior and make sure their grandparents will enjoy eating with them.
But, sometimes, we need to relax some rules for peace’s sake. My eldest has been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and forcing him to eat the dinner that he’s got into his head that he won’t like is just not going to have positive consequences— for anyone. Parents don’t need to dig in their heels as well. No matter the personality of your children, I think having some flexibility will get beneficial long-term results. Yes, stick to your goals but understand that sometimes you’re not going to win the battle and realize it doesn’t have to be an all-out war.
© 2010 mykidsreallyeatthis.com
