One of my earliest followers from when I started my blog on tumblr 3 years ago was “The SaHMMY”, a witty, sometimes snarky and always funny, former actress/comedian and now stay-at-home-mom who asked me to be a “guest chef” on her site/blog.  Twice!  I was incredibly flattered. It was so nice to feel the love.  I also follow her blog and the goings on of her life, her kids, her crazy ass dog… and love every minute that I spend reading about it all.  She’s one of my tumblr friends that I hope to actually meet one day.  My mom, when we were younger, would have said that we belonged to the Mutual Admiration Society.

So, a while back I asked her (Jeris Donovan a.k.a. The SaHMMY) to write a sort of testimonial about my blog. “I’d love to hear from people who may have been inspired to get their kids to eat well after reading my blog” (I must have been feeling sorry for myself that day.)  What I got is so f*%&ing funny and I’m so honored to be a positive influence.  Not that I always live up to it myself!  And I still need to get a juicer!! 

Since I just found out my son and I didn’t win the White House/Epicurious contest, I figured today would be a good day for some feels.

   

One day in high school while sitting on the “Senior Ledge” (really a long marble bench that became a rite of passage), a classmate dared me to say the “F” word.

“No way!” I said.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because my mother will find out,” I snapped.

“No she won’t,” he said. Then we shared a long look. “Yeah, you are probably right,” he replied. I had dated this boy two years prior and he knew of my mother’s mad snooping skills. She knew everyone and was just intimidating enough to get the truth out of someone quickly and painlessly. Her ominous powers kept me in line all through high school and most of college.

I share this little story because this same sense of “she’s gonna find out” comes over me every time I plan a meal for my family except the person isn’t my mother, is it Vanessa.

I can’t even remember when I started following My Kids Really Eat This. I think it was around two years ago when I bought a bread machine through Craigslist from a couple in the nearby crunchy town of Carrboro, NC. A stranger would have voted us most likely to meet in a Target parking lot for a bread machine exchange: one of us in a Prius and the other in a Subaru wagon, all of us in Keens. I think that becoming determined to make my own bread was the catalyst that led me to Vanessa. I began gardening, forcing inspiring my kids to try new things, and became more conscious of what we were putting in our bodies.

My kids now say things like, “that has MSG” or “I love asparagus!” (my personal favorite). I couldn’t have done this without envisioning Vanessa/Sue Sylvester over my shoulder. I couldn’t have done it without witnessing her be so ballsy when it came to cooking for her children. Let me elaborate. 

I read a friend’s Facebook post that said, “Help! My kids are only eating chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. I am thinking about hiring a nutritionist to come to my house.”

If you read between the lines, it is easy to determine that won’t work. It doesn’t matter who she hires because when that person leaves she will continue to have the same problem: no balls. You have to have balls if you are going to get your kids to try asparagus.

Let’s not kid ourselves. It’s not like an alien ship has landed on her roof and is shooting chicken nuggets into her home, rendering her helpless. It’s not like they have applied a force field that traps her in her house and she can’t get to a produce section. The reason her kids are eating that is because SHE is buying that. And chances are, she is eating poorly too, or she is crazy because she is making two different meals at dinner. Who has time for that?

What she needs to do is embody Vanessa and get some balls. When my littlest refused to eat fruit, I upped my game and bought a juicer online for 40 bucks. I took all the fruit she wouldn’t eat, made it into juice, and placed it in front of her.  

“Can you see if that has too much sugar?” I asked, even though it was void of sugar.

She took a sip.

“No. It tastes good,” she replied.

“Great! That is your fruit juice. Go for it,” I said and began to walk away.

“But I don’t like fruit!” she said.

“That’s weird. You just said it tasted good.” She gave me a wry look. “Tell you what. You need that for your body. So, you drink that, and then we will start our day. I am in no rush. I have a great book and a great cup of coffee over here. Just let me know when you are done.”

She finished it. That was two years ago. Now she eats raw apples, begs for them, all because I had balls. 

Believe me. I know is easy to cave to your kids’ shitty nutritional demands. It would be great if they could live and thrive on ice cream bars and McDonald’s French fries. Less drama and less effort. It took great effort to grow spinach and even more effort to ask my kids to eat it raw. But they did and now they love it. It took effort to figure out what the hell Swiss Chard is about. But after watching Vanessa’s video on Youtube, it didn’t seem so scary. Now it is my favorite green to cook and favorite green to grow.  Last night my kids ate it in a creamy poblano and chicken dish. Who knew?

I feel proud that I have redirected the course of my family’s eating habits. I know I am laying the ground work for not only the immediate future but for my kids’ adult lives. All thanks to a blog and a bread machine.

I’m so f*$%ng glad I found MKRET! 

Follow The SaHMMY on tumblr here and on twitter too